Interviews With Jack

A reporter tried (and failed) to interview Jack for his talk show. The interviews are shown below:

Interview 1: A Brief Interview With Jack

Interview 2: We Meet Again

Reporter: Hello, Jack. We meet again.

Jack: yay

Reporter: I wish I could say the same.

Jack: me smart

Reporter: Ok... so, Jack, how else did you achieve such success?

Jack: me jack

Reporter: Um, we know that Jack. Answer the question please.

Jack: yay

Reporter:

Jack: yay

Reporter: ANSWER THE QUESTION

Jack: bye

Reporter: He just left. Wow.

Interview 3: Me Go Poo Poo

Reporter: Hi again, Jack.

Jack: me go poo poo on you

Reporter: No! NO! Stay away!

Jack: no

Reporter: AHHHH! Security! Oh wait I don't have security!

Jack: me smart

Reporter: AHHH 911 I NEED TO CALL 911

Jack: me go poo poo

Reporter: Ugh. Not again.

Reporter: So anyway Jack, why do you always poo poo on The Guy? (and me)

Jack: me smart

Reporter: YOU SAID THAT LIKE 20000 TIMES ALREADY!

Jack: yay

Reporter: WHY AM I NOT GETTING PAID TO DO THIS

Jack: me share

Reporter: What, is that money? Aw, really?

Jack: no

Reporter: I should've seen that coming.

Interview 4: The Guy's Appearance

Reporter: So Jack, do you like The Guy?

Jack: no

Reporter: Hehehe... well then, The Guy is making a guest appearance!

The Guy: Oh no why is Jack here you promised me a NEW PHONE

Reporter: Yes, we'll get you a new phone later. First, TORTURING JACK!

The Guy: Yes I'm in!

Jack: aw man

Reporter: So Jack, what's your favorite food?

Jack: candy

The Guy: Look Jack, candy!

Jack: yay

Reporter: YES LEAD HIM AWAY! LEAD HIM AWAY FOREVER!!

The Guy: Um I can't do that

Reporter: Why not

The Guy: Jellies NEVER DIE

Reporter: Uh oh

Jack: the poopcopalypse has begun

Reporter: OH NO THE JELLIES ARE TAKING OVER!

The Guy: RUN FOR COVER

Jack: me smart

Interview 5: Unexpected Ending

Reporter: How are you folks? Welcome to another episode of Interviews With Jack!

Jack: no

Reporter: Seriously? I was trying really hard to nail that formal tone!

Jack: you bad

Reporter: The one time you say something different.

Jack: me go poo poo

Reporter: I don't even care anymore MY LIFE IS A DUD

Jack: me go poo poo on camera

Reporter: NO NO NO NOT ON THE CAMERA NOO-

Interview 6: Torture Chamber

Reporter: Welcome to Episode 6 of Interviews With Jack! Do you have anything to say to us, Jack?

Jack: me smart

Reporter:

Reporter: Do you believe anyone else in the world is smart?

Jack: no

Reporter: Not even your mother?

Jack: me smart

Reporter: Well then, here's your mother!

Jack's Mom: GET IN THE TORTURE CHAMBER!!!

Jack: no

Reporter: Ok we um seem to be getting into some family problems. Jack’s Mom, has Jack made you proud?

Jack's Mom: ONLY THE DAY HE WAS BORN

Reporter: And why was that an eventful day?

Jack's Mom: BECAUSE WE GOT TO STEAL SOME HOSPITAL CANDY

Reporter: Um, madam, do you know we're on LIVE TELEVISION

Jack's Mom: TORTURE CHAMBER

Reporter: OH NO I'M SORRY PLEASE THIS IS PAINFUL OW OW OW

Jack: me interview

Jack: me eat candy

Jack: yay

Interview 7: The End

Reporter: Welcome to the final episode of Interviews With Jack! I can't hold up with this anymore!

Jack: me go poo poo on you

Reporter: NONONONONO So Jack; when did you start poo pooing?

Jack: 0

Reporter: When you were just born?!

Jack: no

Reporter: Well... when then?

Jack: begin of world

Reporter: YOU WEREN'T EVEN ALIVE THEN!

Jack: me ancestors

Reporter: But those weren't YOU

Jack: honor of me jack

Reporter: GRRRRRRR... ok then, how did they know you would be alive?

Jack: prophecy

Reporter: THERE WAS A PROPHECY OF YOU I WANT A PROPHECY YOU DON’T DESERVE A PROPHECY I’M OUTTA HERE TAKE THE INTERVIEW TAKE THE SHOW TAKE MY LIFE I DON’T CARE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE

Jack: me go with you

Reporter: NO PLEASE DON'T TORTURE ME ANYMORE

The Guy: Hello just wanted to say goodbye-

Jack: me go poo poo on you

The Guy: JACK! Get over here!

Reporter: Yes! I can escape! Thank you guy! iou

THE END

(for now)